In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
