I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
