put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
