You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
