Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
