Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
