I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
