Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
