Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
