He uses pillows to masturbate.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
