Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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