I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
