I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
