toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
