if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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