Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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