i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
