Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
