You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
