if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
