Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
