i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
