he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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