Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Even my vagina gasped.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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