either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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