I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
