Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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