We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
