He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
