you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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