Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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