Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
