how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Less talking, more tequila
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
