What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
