i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
