I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
