i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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