i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
