my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
