in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
