You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
