im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
