Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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