i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
