why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
kristin has been a bad kristin
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
