I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Randomize
