I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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