I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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