Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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