My Higher Power is John Stamos
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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