my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
