Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
