I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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